When Meditiation is BAD for You!

I actually started writing a blog post about this very subject a few months ago, but the recent Guardian article (below) reminded me of the need for this discussion.

A friend of mine was in a psychiatric program, and the therapist INSISTED she participate in group "Mindful" meditations. It's not uncommon that a person new to meditation experience a little weird discomfort the first few times as they release stored tension (some people describe it as a "hangover"). But my friend was having full blown abreactions (powerful negative states). She requested she be let out of the activity, but the therapist demanded she participate. Each session brought up her worst thoughts and feelings, as well as anxiety attacks, and while he refused to allow her out of the practice, she was finally allowed to sit quietly while the others participated. It was better, but still very uncomfortable for her. Now I don't know the specifics of my friend's issues were for joining the group, and I know nothing about the therapist or his insistence on forcing her participation, but I did see the results of it and they weren't pleasant--increased anxiety, worry, anger, self-destructiveness.. All the stuff that one practices meditation to get rid of.  

Are There Dangers to Meditation?
Generally, no. But every person is different and there are MANY different kinds of meditation for many different reasons. In extreme situations you may find things like these (or other problems): If a person is feeling immersed in their own issues, a type of meditation like Mindfulness might submerge them even deeper in their unhappiness. Meditations that disassociate a person from their physical awareness might create disorientation or "spaciness." Meditations that focus on a deity or ideotype, like a spirit, saint or personified god, can induce odd emotional states, or even delusions. "Energetic" meditations, of the sort found in certain Chi Gung exercises can manifest physical symptoms. (A Chinese Tai Chi teacher I knew had been teaching his students in China a "fire" meditation to use during the Winter, at the time he moved to America. Six months later discovered his Chinese students had continued to practice fire meditation through the Summer and were getting all kinds of heat related sicknesses. He had warned them not to do "fire" in the Summer, but without him there, they just kept doing what they did at the time he left). Most of the time these conditions are rare, occurring only when the practitioner really puts a lot of time and effort into their practice.  

What to Look Out For
Meditation should be there to improve the rest of your life. You should feel more in-control and comfortably integrated into your everyday life, maybe even more inspired. If you find yourself experiencing any of the following, or just don't feel right about what you're doing, STOP! At last take a break, and usually things will return to normal. If you really want to continue your practice, use your break time to research different kinds of meditation.  

SPACINESS-- Feelings of disorientation, "spaciness" or confusion, particularly if it's interfering with the rest of your day, is something you want to avoid.  
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS-- As I mentioned, the first one or two times you try meditation, you may experience a little discomfort as you release physical and emotional tensions. But if these things persist, or if they get worse, stop.  
EUPHORIA or DELUSIONS-- After a bit of practice, meditation should make you feel great! But it should not alter your relationship with reality. If you find yourself becoming aware of superpowers, if spirits or gods are talking to you and telling you to do things, or causing you to separate from the people and things you normally interact with, it's probably time to take a break and do some serious self-examination.

To reiterate: there are MANY different kinds of meditation, For different people, and for different purposes. Mindfulness is excellent for some people in some situations, but it's not the only approach. And EVERYTHING has potential risks, starting with getting out of bed in the morning. But if you're feeling really out of kilter, talk to an expert.

The biggest issue with Mindfulness is that it seems to be over-hyped and insufficiently understood, but in the right situation, it can be a powerful tool, and it works well for a lot of people. Here's an excellent article from The Guardian on some unfortunate experiences. In fairness, I think they exaggerate some of the negatives, but it's worth reading, especially for those who are coaching others. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jan/23/is-mindfulness-making-us-ill

Illustration: Nick Lowndes for the Guardian

One sticking point of both the proponents of Mindfulness and most traditional schools of meditation is that they put all their faith behind a single method. If you want an all-in-one introduction that lists over 20 different techniques with an explanation of their functions and effects, so you can chose the ones that are just right for you, check out my book: http://www.amazon.com/Everybodys-Meditation-Book-Jeff-Sauber/dp/0578033364/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453852092&sr=8-1&keywords=everybody%27s+meditation+book+Sauber

Who are you, really?

Don't confuse your comfort zone for who you are.

TRY!

There are some words that are dear to the hypnotist's heart, and few as much as the word TRY!
"Try to keep your eyes open.."
"Try to remember the number.."
"Try to feel the pain of your injury.."

But what makes it such a power word? Well, yes, it implies failure, and it's a sneaky command to do the opposite of what we seem to be asking the client. We don't say "Keep your eyes open" when we want the client to close his eyes, even though that is usually how the client perceives it. (And isn't it terrible that when a kid is having trouble in school we tell him to "TRY HARDER!!" Think about it).

On a deeper level, though, it's more than a covert reverse-suggestion.

When we use the word TRY, we're really telling the client to begin to substitute our suggestion for their own empirical experience. "Try to open your eyes, and you'll find you can't." Words like try reprogram, for a little while, the clients perceptions of his own experience in a way that make those experiences seem to support and reinforce the truth of OUR suggestions.

Powerful stuff.

What other treasured words can you think of that will also encourage the client to accept our suggestions over their own experience?

Did You Ever Have This Dream?

In a psylocybin induced dream, I sat in a cafe, with my best friend from the other side, the place of disincarnate souls where we all live eventually or once upon a time, and he, never having incarnated, asked me incredulously why I would want to spend a lifetime with so many limitations -- limited by space and time and gender -- when, in the pace we come from everything and everyone, all of real existence, occupies the same place and moment, where nothing and nobody is ever out of reach, where the answers come with the questions, where there aren't any beginnings or ends, unless you want them, and then you get them all together. I know what I told him, but what would you say?

The Final word on Mr. Niceguy?

(I wrote this this past winter, but foolishly forgot to push the "publish" button, so it's been sitting in draft form all summer! Nevertheless, it's still valid. Enjoy!)

I’m feeling pretty grouchy today. A snowstorm has been promised by the TV news, I’m behind on finishing some projects, and to top it all off, I’m coming down with a cold. Nevertheless, I had to brave the elements and hop the subway to do some errands, and barely made it before the stores closed…when the snow started. So I trundled back onto the subway, surprised to find a mostly empty car, and now settle down to read my book. That is a pleasure that almost makes the whole trip worth while. And I get to enjoy that pleasure for good 14 seconds or so, when suddenly I’m surrounded by a gaggle of noisy, chirpy young girls. They’re cute, but clearly the girls are high school seniors, maybe college freshmen. Maybe just borderline retarded? All I know is they just prattle on and on…

But you know, treasures come when you least expect them.


I’m trying to get through one page of my book, but it's hard to focus, since my ears are filling with talk of whether Michael is cuter than Kyle, how Brad isn’t worth dating because he just won’t listen, and how comfortable these new shoes are, which is surprising considering how much they cost.

I could never have known that I was about to be enlightened,. or that these girls would be the ones to make it happen.
 

Then I hear it:

“Bobbie is a really nice guy.” The energy level in the hatchery suddenly goes down perceptibly.  Another girl agrees—“Yes, Bobbie is a real gentleman.” For the first time there’s silence amongst them, a silence so significant I have to fight not to look up from my book. There’s something that I can feel needs to be said, but not one of them wants to say it. It’s about Bobbie.

“I like Bobbie.” That’s not it. I continue to wait.


Another girl repeats: “I like Bobbie. He’s such a nice guy. A real gentleman—"

And yet another girl finished her sentence: “—he’s inexperienced.”
 

THAT’S IT! It's finally been said. Even if I hadn't heard the words, I could have told purely by the sudden sense of relief amongst them. They all agree heartily, and the energy level of all the girls goes back up. If it wasn't clear enough, another girl in the group recaps: “Bobbie’s a nice guy because he’s not experienced. He’s still not comfortable around women.”

Then yet another girl chimes in: “My first boyfriend was like that. I had to train him. I never want to go through that again.”

WOW. Aren't guys always told that they should be a nice guy to women? And yet, us niceguys are never taken seriously by the girls we like. Now I know why.

Looking in the Face of "Self-Limiting Beliefs"

Sometimes, the only way we can deal with the unfairnesses of life is to keep reminding ourselves  that we really don't deserve the things we really want.

Sticks and Stones, and The Conspiracy of Sensitivity

I think we're being undermined by a conspiracy of sensitivity.

We're told by media and by experts that we HAVE to wear our heart on our sleeve, that if we say "words don't hurt us" we're lying, and more to the point, we're told us we can't help but be hurt by words. The corollary to that is the same people who convince us we are weaker than a stranger's words are the people who want us to believe they will protect us from words, by telling us what words are safe, and that is dangerous, indeed.