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| Photo © Lord William Chard |
“We should get a new cabinet in the workshop! Stuff is all over the
place. We can organize the space and make it look better.”
This was my friend’s lament for 6 months. But every time she presented it to
her boss, she barely got the first words out of her mouth before her boss got
visibly agitated and changed the subject. It was maddening. She tried every
tactic she could think of—waiting until the boss was in a good mood, asking
first thing in the morning, last thing at night, leaving notes, waiting,
insisting. The worst part was that the cabinet was no big thing. It was well
within the office budget, and her boss certainly had the authority to order the
cabinet. There was plenty of room for it. But no! It was a cause of infinite
frustration for my friend. She knew her boss could be very contrary. The Boss
always wanted the last word, and wanted to be known as the “decision maker.”
Unless The Boss specifically asked for opinions, the input of employees was
clearly never welcome, even if it was important.
What, my friend lamented, could she possibly do? Tools were
stacked up all over the place, and the space would be so much more efficient,
and look so much more professional, with everything put away in a cabinet, but still
her boss resisted. It would even make her boss look better to upper management.
Was there anything else she could do?
YES! Serve Dessert
First!
Now, the following
approach may not work for every situation, but this is great for certain kinds
of resistance, particularly when the person you’re trying to communicate with
feels they might be losing their control of the situation (and that can be
someone who has total control, like a boss, or someone with virtually no
control who will want to hold on to what little security they feel they have).
First let’s look at my friend’s request:
“We should get a new cabinet in the
workshop! Stuff is all over the place. We can organize the space and make it
look better.”
There are three parts to this communication (in the above
example, one sentence for each part), and each serves a specific purpose.
Look at the first one:
“We should get a new cabinet in the
workshop!”
What would you call this? My friend thinks it’s a request. It’s the action
that has to be taken. But perhaps her boss feels it’s a demand, or, worse, a command.
And we know the boss isn’t taking commands from the staff. Judging from the
boss’ reaction, the boss seems to feel it would require some kind of a
compromise or sacrifice of authority, even though, in truth, it will benefit
everyone. We already know that the boss shuts down at the first sentence.
The second part:
“Stuff
is all over the place.”
This is the reason for the
request, the essence of the problem, the “because.”
“We need a cabinet because…”
And the final part:
“We can organize the space and make it
look better.”
That’s the payoff, the desired
outcome. If each of these three parts were the courses in a meal, this
would be the sweet dessert at the end.
Now a lot of people would look at those three sentences and
think that was a pretty well reasoned argument. “We need X (action) because Y
(problem), so that we can have Z
(reward).”
And in some situations, that is all it would take to get
things done. But as my friend said, her boss got turned off from the very start.
Why would that be? Well, no one wants to be greeted with a
demand, and a defensive person might instinctively shrink back from such a
thing, sometimes without listening any further. People under stress, people who
feel emotionally compromised, etc., may not want to, or be able to, deal with
any more demands than they’re dealing with already. And people who may feel
their authority or control over a situation is being compromised will fight
back against the challenge to their status.
So what do you do? GIVE THEM DESSERT FIRST! Stimulate their
apatite! If they’re resisting taking action, give them the sweet result, the desired outcome first. Like this:
“We
can organize the space and make it look better. Stuff is all over the place. We
should get a new cabinet in the workshop!”
We’ve put the desired
outcome, the reward, right up front, where it will sweeten the entire
conversation, just as the demand soured
it in the first example. Who would disagree that a workplace should be neat and
organized?
The “because,” the
problem, is still right in the middle, justifying and reinforcing the need
to make a change. But still, nothing that could be interpreted as a command. And following the happy desired-outcome,
it seems like less of “a problem” and more of a challenge to be overcome, which seems less daunting. It also
raises an unspoken question as to how that desired outcome could be achieved.
And an astute listener might even begin to think about possible solutions at
this point. But there’s no pressure on the listener (in this case, The Boss) to
act or obey in a certain way. And yet, that happy outcome is also presented as
dependent on taking action.
And the final sentence, which was a call to action when it
was the beginning sentence, comes across as the
answer to the unspoken question framed by first sentence. Heck, the boss
might even think he came up with it.
The formula, now, would be: “We can have Z (reward) if we deal with Y (problem) by doing X (action).”
It’s the same set of sentences and ideas, but delivered much
more softly, enticingly and less aggressively. But more importantly, this
arrangement of the three parts gives the listener the feeling of control, while the first situation threatens loss of
control, and that is no small thing. Most people like to have control over
their interactions, and for someone who feels control is an important issue,
helping them maintain their feeling of control can be key to keeping them open
to your input.
To recap, if
you’re presenting a proposal that’s being met with resistance when action has
to be taken, be sure to sweeten the scenario by presenting the positive
outcome, the reward, first. Some
sales people call this “the hook.” Use it to hook their interest and set a
positive, receptive mood to the discussion. Support that positive outcome by
presenting the challenge (the
problem) that is the obstacle that has to be overcome. At this point in your
presentation, before you even suggest the action you want them to take, you
should notice that you have sparked their interest or at least their attention.
They may already be thinking of action to take, but you can follow it up with
your suggested solution.
It’s a much more positive way to present a plan of action. Be sure to listen to what the other person
has to say while this is going on. They might have other reasons for their
resistance that they will be more willing to share when they realize this is a
win-win proposal and they don’t feel pressured. And when those reasons come
out, they can be addressed to get you closer to success.
And of course, while my example in this article is in three
sentences for brevity, you can adapt the concept as need be. You might have a
stack of several challenges/problems, or more than one terrific solution to
offer. And there are no restrictions to the length. You might be able to get all
three parts into a single sentence, or you might apply the structure to a
business proposal that’s hundreds of pages long.
Think about this and put it into practice. I’d love to hear
your success stories!
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